Jennifer Connelly and a story about Fear
3/27/ 2002 Last week, while briefly watching the Academy Awards, I watched actress Jennifer Connelly win an Oscar for her role in the movie "A Beautiful Mind". Seeing her accept her Oscar, refreshed the memory of meeting her one day long ago in Tucson. I met Jennifer at the top of Sabino Canyon while on a bicycle ride early one morning in the summer of 1991. The day I had met her I wrote down all four pages of this story, some day, I'm going to want to remember this day very clearly, I said to myself. I dug through my dusty binders and found the one which has the Jennifer Connelly story written down.
Its wonderful to remember that summer day in the cool morning air of Sabino Canyon, it is interesting to read now eleven years later. My mind and the way I process my thoughts have evolved since then. The story is not only entertaining to read but also helps me to better understand where I am today. Two words describe the whole story "overcoming fear". After rereading this story I realize, there is fear in front of me again.
If I step out of my life for a moment and begin to think about what Jennifer Connelly
has been doing for the last 11 years, I find a few interesting thoughts. Jennifer
has been out there in front of the world, showing up at auditions for parts she
wouldn't receive. Maybe she was too tall or too young or too old or someone did
not like he voice, her acting or think she would be taken seriously. She has had
many great roles in the last eleven years and I'm sure she has been living a good
life but she has been out there in front of the world. Does she have fear in her
life? Yes, I'm sure she has had many fears while working in such a judgmental,
unpredictable business where you're only as good as your last movie. She was born
beautiful in the eyes of many but she had to learn how to act, how be in the public
eye of the National Enquirer and there are many other complexities to being a
famous actress that most people wouldn't even think about. Many people would jump
at the chance to live her life, but do you really know what that would be like?
I would have to say she has chosen a difficult pathway with great reward, she
has placed herself in front of the world and excepted that responsibility. She
has been working really hard for the last eleven years, maybe her Oscar will help
her to understand people believe in her beyond how she looks.
Now let me step back into my life and what I have been doing for the last eleven
years? Shooting lightning and tornados sounds difficult, sounds dangerous, maybe
even frightening but I've never had a storm say I was too old or too young, wrong
for the part, to predictable or anything like that, my subjects never talk back
to me. I either get the shot or I don't. Maybe I have placed myself behind the
camera to protect myself from the reality of the world? My life for the last eleven
years sounds like the easy pathway to me. I would like to say my life has been
difficult, with the sad stories I have covered, my friends who have died, listening
to the stories of pain in the lives which have crossed my pathway. But is being
sensitive, compassionate, wanting to make the world a better place, empowering
others, is this pathway difficult?..................... Thinking about the world
and its people is a lot of work, but I don't know if I would call this pathway
difficult. So then Mr. Passion Expert ( as my friend Tim, joking, calls me once
in a while ) where's the fear in front of you?
It is interesting to me, how a story from eleven years ago is presented again,
so I can understand more about, who I have become today. I believe everything
I write but what I realize, my fear comes from not believing others will believe
what I have to say. I noticed this the other night when I made the spring offering
to the wind, what I had to say was much weirder than what everyone else had to
say, but I got up in front of nine other people and said it anyway because it
is what I believe. My voice may creak for a while until I get used to telling
my stories to others, my voice may tremble or dry out but eventually my voice
will learn how to evolve with the rest of my life. Now I can see that presenting
this Passion Junkie concept to the world will be more frightening than shooting
a tornado or forest fire, because it will force me to evolve my ability to communicate
and connect with others.
Summer
of 91
I watched the movie the Rocketeer last Friday at the El Dorado Theater in Tucson,
Co/staring Jennifer Connelly a beautiful young Celtic looking actress. She was
very beautiful I thought as I watched her 20 feet tall on the silver screen. The
movie was entertaining, a happy easy Disney production with a predictable formula
screenplay.
I had started biking a little more than a year ago. I tried to stick to a routine
of getting up at six am five times a week and going for a morning ride while
it
was relatively cool outside. The Sabino Canyon ride was a good workout about
thirty two miles round trip, with three and a half miles uphill while climbing
the winding
road to the top of the canyon. I would usually meet up with my friend Warren
near his house, we would go climb the canyon and talk about whatever was
on our minds
for the day. We would usually end up in the canyon at the same time as the biking
group from Canyon Ranch Resort. We started calling them the Jolly Ranchers
since
most of the guests were very nice and loved the canyon ride. Most were from out
of town, so we would joke with them about the snack bar at the top of the
canyon
closing in five minutes ( there is no snack bar) or tell them to watch out for
the flying scorpions, which would really get them worried. When the beautiful
golden light cuts through the steep rocky canyon, combined with the sweetness
of the morning air, it's a very beautiful place.
A few days after seeing the Rocketeer Warren and I headed up to Sabino. The Jolly Ranchers were gathered at the bottom of the canyon and Warren mentioned he had noticed a few good-looking girls in the group. Not having paid attention as I rode by, I said I did not see anyone all that interesting. A few minutes later I was going to learn differently. I was first to make it to the top, even in second gear, I needed a rest to catch my breath. The first group of the Jolly Ranchers making it to the top rode past and then I noticed this beautiful girl with long black hair riding toward me. She stops totally out of breath in front of me and I flash the big Tom Willett smile, telling her, it gets easier the more often you ride up here.
I'm looking very intently at her, I know its her, its Jennifer Connelly, Warren
is looking at me and wondering why I am acting so stunned. Still looking intently
into her eyes, I don't think I have had this kind of one to one eye contact before.
My heat beat starts accelerating and I know I have to talk with her. For all the
women I was a afraid to say anything to in my life, I have to talk with her, its
Jennifer Connelly and she is standing ten feet away. I'll never forgive myself
if I don't say something to her. My mind is overwhelmed with stupid things to
say. Golly gee gosh yer so perty, darlin I really love your movies duhhh.
She was still looking at me like she was waiting for me to say something. Looking
down I noticed a rattlesnake coiled up on some rocks on the other side of
the
wall I'm sitting on, so I say, Jennifer do you wan to see a Rattlesnake? Is there
one there she asks? She walks over, her eyes are so brilliant up close I
also
notice the beauty mark on her lip I had seen through her lipstick in the movie.
I am twisted with my back toward her looking toward the snake. She puts her
hands
on my shoulder and leans against me to see over the short wall. Her hair cascades
down my shoulder and I can feel her warm breath on my neck, I was just so
overwhelmed.
She's leaning on me, her face is right next to mine. I look over at my friend
Warren, he looks like the Willey Coyote, his eyes were as big as saucers.
Jennifer
and I talk for a while, she asked if I was staying at Canyon Ranch. No I live
in Tucson, I say. She says you are very lucky to live in such a beautiful
place.
I'm thinking I am lucky to be talking such a beautiful woman. She was talking
about snakes back home, she has some sort of dialect in her voice but I can
not
discern where she is from. I tell her to be careful on her way down the canyon
as
she rides down with the older bearded guy from Canyon Ranch.
The whole time I was talking with her, I was picking up this sixth sense about her some sort of connection? I don't know how to explain it, something good. On the way down the Canyon I tell Warren that was Jennifer Connelly the Actress. Warren says yeah well, I think she likes you. My crumpled and dirty card is in my hand, I have to give her my card, I have to make a connection possible. Warren is coaching me on the way down, you have to do it or you will regret it for the rest of your life, talk to her Tom. I don't know where this fear is coming from but it surrounds me. At the bottom of the canyon the ranch group has gathered for more information. When Jennifer rides by, I ask her to wait for a minute.
She stops to talk and I ask about her being in Tucson. She has been here before and might come back I like it here, she says. I hand her my card and tell her about shooting lightning, chasing storms, I know this Tucson Valley really well, we can do anything you want, I say, call me when you come back to Tucson. Jennifer says a confidant, OK, flashes the big Jennifer Connelly smile and says good-bye.
All I can think is wow. There is just this incredible sweetness about her, she seems so normal. She could have thrown my card away an hour later but that did not matter. What was important, I had taken a chance, I stepped beyond where I normally stand. The opportunity presented itself and I took a chance. On this day in the summer of 91, I asked a beautiful actress named Jennifer Connelly out on a date and I never had to be afraid again.
Maybe fear is just an opportunity to evolve, to step beyond where I normally stand. What are you affraid of? Where do you stand?
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